Grandpa: You youngsters are soft and lazy today. When I was your age I got up at six o'clock every morning and walked five or six miles before breakfast. I used to think nothing of it. Fred: I don't blame you, Grandpa. ... Read more

How can you tell an old person from a young person? An old person can sing and brush their teeth at the same ... Read more

How can you tell that you're getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on ... Read more

How do you get four old ladies to say the F word?Have the fifth one say.... ... Read more

How old is your Grandma? I dunno, but we've had him a long ... Read more

I've sure gotten old. I've had two By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that ... Read more

Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he asked."He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years oder than I am.""Really?" the ... Read more

My grandma has so many wrinkles she has to screw her hat ... Read more

One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car ... Read more

One day, an out-of-work man knocks on the door of a home in an upper-class neighborhood. The lady of the house answers. "Pardon me Mam, Im out of work and looking for any odd jobs that people need done. I'm very handy ... Read more