Which aardvark holds the speed record?
The nearsighted aardvark, who wrapped his tongue around a motorcycle!
Which baseball team is currently the favourite with hamburger fans?
The Cincinnati Reds -because they’re the Big Bread Machine!
Which birds steal soap from the bath ?
Robber ducks !
Which burger is famous for a long nose?
Cyrano de Burgerac!
Which cheeseburger makes a big hit in baseball?
A double!
Which Elizabethan sailor could stop bikes ?
Sir Francis Brake !
Which end of a bus is it best to get off?
It doesn’t matter. Both ends stop.
Which is the cheapest bicycle you can buy?
A penny-farthing.
Which is the only day you are safe in a cannibal village?
Sitterdays (when they eat the baby-sitter instead).
Which is the meat patties’ least favourite day of the week?
Fry-day!
Which of our meaty friends are into astrology?
Those that are born under the sign of the Ham!
Which meatballs get a little tipsy on occasion?
The POTTED ones!
Which political discussions between the Russians and Americans keenly interest Burger Land citizens?
The SALT talks!
Which people do the burgers hate?
The ones who are always putting the bite on them!
Which type of comedy leaves a hamburger cold?
BITING humour!
Which villains steal soap from the bath?
Robber ducks.
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. “Good lord!” he screamed, “one of the engines just blew up!”Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn’t maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seatsand began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attatched the package to their backs.”Say,” spoke up an alert passenger, “aren’t tho se parachutes?
“The pilot said they were.The passenger went on, “But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?
“”There isn’t,” replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. “We’re going to get help.”
While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “What’s in the bags?
“, asked the guard.”Sand,” said the cyclist.”Get them off – we’ll take a look,” said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border. Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear. A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. “Say friend, you sure had us crazy”, said the guard. “We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won’t say a word – but what is it you were smu ggling?
” “Bicycles!”
While driving down a steep and curvy logging road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd “Jimmy” and careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the canyon, and everyone aboard perishes. Suprisingly, they all go to heaven. At an orientation they are asked, “When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?
“The first guy, a well known botanist says, “I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an eternal contribution to the botanical world.”The second guy, an ornithologist, says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations.”The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, “I would like to hear them say… ‘LOOK, HE’S MOVING!!!’ “
While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not.I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, “I wonder why?
“The blonde replied, “Must be because the oil would suffocate them.”
Who are the hamburgers favourite people?
Vegetarians!
Who do hamburgers love on TV?
Archie Bunker’s son-in-law, the meathead!
Who has a long nose, wears a mask, and sits tall in the saddle?
The Lone Aardvark!
Who is bigger – Mrs Bigger or Mrs Bigger’s baby?
Mrs Bigger’s baby, because he’s a little Bigger.
Who is the hamburgers’ favourite actress?
Candice Berger!
Who is the Lone Aardvark’s faithful Indian companion?
Tanto
Who loves hamburgers, French fries, and ants?
Ronald MacAardvark!
Who was the first accountant?
Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.
Who was the burger’s favourite all-time movie director?
Sizzle B. DeMille!
