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What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics ?

All sorts of antics !

What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn ?

An eggroll !

What do you get if your budgie flies into the blender ?

Shredded Tweet !

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?

A bird that lays down !

What do you give a sick bird ?

Tweetment !

What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?

I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!

What do you use to determine if a refrigerated burger is cold enough?

A thermomeater!

What does a baby computer call his father?

Data.

What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?

Mice cream and cake!

What does a clam do on his birthday?

He shellabrates!

What does an aardvark keep in his aquarium?

An aard-shark!

What does an aardvark get when he overeats?

Ant-digestion!

What does an aardvark take for ant-digestion?

Anta-Seltzer!

What does an aardvark use when he has a cold?

An ant-ihistamine!

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?

It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait……

What does an accountant use for birth control?

His personality.

What does an educated owl say?

Whom.

What does CPA stand for?

Can’t Produce Anything

What does FCPA stand for?

Finally Caught Pinching the Assets

What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?

His desk is level

What does the aardvark call his dog?

Aard-bark!

What does the aardvark take sailing?

An aard ark!

What dog loves to take bubble baths ?

A shampoodle !

What famous movie did the hamburger meat think of when they took it out of the freezer?

They Fry Who Cam in from the Cold!

What flies through the jungle singing opera ?

The parrots of Penzance !

What geometric figure is like a runaway parrot?

A polygon .

What goes ‘peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang’ ?

A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons !

What goes Blonde, Brunette, Blonde, Brunette ?

A blonde doing cartwheels.

What great song is associated with hamburgers and baseball?

‘Steak Me Out to the Ballgame’!

What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way ?

She was tickled to death !

What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day ?

After a week he was spotless !

What happened when the barman died?

The police held an inn-quest

What happened when the chicken ate cement ?

She laid a sidewalk !

What happened when the owl lost his voice ?

He didn’t give a hoot !

What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter?

The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.

What happens when a hen eats gunpowder ?

She lays hand gren-eggs !

What happens when business is slow at a medicine factory?

You can hear a cough drop.

What happens when geese land in a volcano ?

They cook their own gooses !

What happens when ducks fly upside down ?

They quack up !

What happens when two burgers fall in love?

They live together in holy meatrimony!

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