What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?
It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait……
What does an accountant use for birth control?
His personality.
What does FCPA stand for?
Finally Caught Pinching the Assets
What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?
His desk is level
What would Economics be without assumptions?
Accounting
What’s a shy and retiring accountant?
An accountant who is half a million shy and that’s why he’s retiring.
What’s an actuary?
An accountant without the sense of humour.
What’s an accountant’s idea of trashing his hotel room?
Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
What’s an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
What’s an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
What’s the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
What’s the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
What’s the definition of unlikely?
A photo-spread in Playboy titled ‘The World’s Top Accountants – Nude!’.
What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.
What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.
When do accountants laugh out loud?
When somebody asks for a raise
When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realises he doesn’t have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
Who was the first accountant?
Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.
Why accountants don’t read novels?
Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Why did God invent economists?
So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
Why did he cross back?
So he could charge the client for travel expenses.
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.
Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays?
They can wear casual clothes to work
Why do accountants make good lovers?
They’re great with figures.
Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?
They find bookkeeping too exciting.
Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing:”He’s such a sensitive child. Let’s wait until he’s older before we tell him you’re an accountant.”
