Small Dirty jokes for party

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What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?

A cock that stays up all night.

What does KFC and a woman have in common?

Once you’re done with the breasts and the thighs, there’s still a greasy box to put your bone in.

What happens if you put the Energizer Bunny’s batteries in backwards?

He keeps coming and coming and coming…

What have men and spray paint in common?

One squeeze and they’re all over you.

What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?

Sexual harassment.

What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?

$3.99 a minute.

What is the definition of ‘making love’?

Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her.

What is the difference between a drug pusher and a prostitute?

A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

One says ribbit ribbit, the other one says rub-it, rub-it!

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down and use a lubricant.

What’s long, hard, and has semen in it?

A submarine!

What’s organic dental floss?

Pubic hair!

What’s so bad about being a dick?

Your closest mates are 2 nuts and an ass hole, your master covers you in a plastic bag, And every time you get excited you spew.

What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus?

Your wife will always blow your bonus!

What’s the difference between a rooster and a hooker?

a rooster says cocka-doodle-doo a hooker says any cock will do.

What’s the speed limit of sex?

68; at 69 you have to turn around.

What’s the ultimate rejection?

When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Whats the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.

Whats the definition of love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Whats the difference between your wife and your job?

After 10 years, the job still sucks.

Whats the difference between premenstrual tension and BSE?

One’s mad cow disease, the other’s an agricultural problem.

Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

While away at a convention, an executive happened to meet a young woman who waspretty and intelligent. When he persuaded her to disrobe in his hotel room, hefound out she had a superb body as well. Unfortunately, the executive foundhimself unable to perform.On his first night home, the executive walked from the shower into the bedroomto find his wife covered in a rumpled bathrobe, her hair curled, her facecreamed, munching candy loudly while she pored through a movie magazine.Then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent erection.Looking down at this, he snarled, “Why you ungrateful, mixed-up son of a bitch.Now I know why they call you a prick!”

While participating is the Olympics a young gymnast had her first sexual experience, going to bed with a stunning foreign participant. Upon returning to her hometown, she promptly went to confession. After receiving absolution, the gymnast was so delighted that she did cartwheels down the aisle to the door. Waiting her turn, Old Mrs. Ole said to her friend, “can you believe what Father Johnson is giving for penance?

Of all the days for me not to be wearing panties.”

Why are condoms like cameras?

-they both capture the moment.

Why are electric trains like a mother’s breasts?

They were both designed for the kids, but it’s the fathers who are always playing with them.

Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?

He heard the snow blower coming.

Why did God create women?

To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

Why did the condom cross the road?

Because it was pissed off.

Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant?

Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car.

Why do hunters make the best lovers?

Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.

Why do men masturbate?

It’s sex with someone they love.

Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?

She knows she’s given her last blow job.

Why don’t bunnies make noise when they make love?

Because they have cotton balls.

Why don’t women blink during foreplay?

They don’t have time.

Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

Why is food better than men?

Because you don’t have to wait an hour for seconds.

Why is it called a Wonder Bra?

When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

Why is sex like a game of bridge?

-You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand.

Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

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