Small Dirty jokes for party

While away at a convention, an executive happened to meet a young woman who waspretty and intelligent. When he persuaded her to disrobe in his hotel room, hefound out she had a superb body as well. Unfortunately, the executive foundhimself unable to perform.On his first night home, the executive walked from the shower into the bedroomto find his wife covered in a rumpled bathrobe, her hair curled, her facecreamed, munching candy loudly while she pored through a movie magazine.Then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent erection.Looking down at this, he snarled, “Why you ungrateful, mixed-up son of a bitch.Now I know why they call you a prick!”

While participating is the Olympics a young gymnast had her first sexual experience, going to bed with a stunning foreign participant. Upon returning to her hometown, she promptly went to confession. After receiving absolution, the gymnast was so delighted that she did cartwheels down the aisle to the door. Waiting her turn, Old Mrs. Ole said to her friend, “can you believe what Father Johnson is giving for penance?

Of all the days for me not to be wearing panties.”

Why are condoms like cameras?

-they both capture the moment.

Why are electric trains like a mother’s breasts?

They were both designed for the kids, but it’s the fathers who are always playing with them.

Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?

He heard the snow blower coming.

Why did God create women?

To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

Why did the condom cross the road?

Because it was pissed off.

Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant?

Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car.

Why do hunters make the best lovers?

Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.

Why do men masturbate?

It’s sex with someone they love.

Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?

She knows she’s given her last blow job.

Why don’t bunnies make noise when they make love?

Because they have cotton balls.

Why don’t women blink during foreplay?

They don’t have time.

Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

Why is food better than men?

Because you don’t have to wait an hour for seconds.

Why is it called a Wonder Bra?

When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

Why is sex like a game of bridge?

-You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand.

Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

Why is Viagra like Disneyworld?

– You have to wait an hour for a three minute ride

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?

So they wouldn’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.

Wife: “Why don’t you ever callout my name when we’re making love?

” ! Husband: “Because I don’t want to wake you.”

Winnie-the-Pooh is eating a roll. Piglet arrives.- Give me some roll, Winnie!- It’s not a roll, it’s a bun.- Give me some bun, Winnie!- It’s not a bun, it’s a bap.- Give me some bap, Winnie!- Get lost, you pig! Stop being such a pain in the neck! You can’t even make up your mind!

Winnie and Piglet sit on the bank of the river and smoke dope.A crocodile comes out of the river:- Hey pals, let me have a whiff.- Get lost, oh green one!- Come on guys, just one!- Go %@~# yourself!So what would you do?

Well, the crocodile swallows Piglet and sits in his place.Winnie, inhaling, is holding the butt out to Piglet and suddenly sees a crocodile.- W-ell, it seems enough for you, pig!

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

You know the worst thing about oral sex?

The view.