Small Humor jokes for party

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What do you use to cut the ocean?

A seasaw

What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?

He gives it a valenshine!

What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?

The police made him bring it back again.

What happened when the monster kissed his one true love?

He left lip prints on the mirror!

What is an archaeologist ?

Someone who’s career is in ruins !

What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?

An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names…

What is the most breathless thing on television ?

The Pink Panter Show !

What is the most romantic city in England?

Loverpool!

What kind of bell doesn’t ring?

A dumbbell.

What kind of hair do oceans have?

…Wavy hair.

What runs all day but never gets tired?

Water.

What would you get if you crossed a monster with the god of love?

A stupid Cupid!

What’s a cow’s favourite love song?

When I fall in love , it will be for heifer.

What’s a cow’s favourite love song?

When I fall in love, it will be for heifer.

What’s blue and sings alone?

– Dan Ackroyd.

What’s the best way to increase the size of your bank balance?

Look at it through a magnifying glass.

What’s the difference between a sigh, a car and a monkey?

A sigh is oh, dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you, dear.

What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference?

I don’t know and I don’t care!

When Fred was applying for a credit card, the manager of the credit card company asked him if he had much money in the bank. “I have,” said Fred. “How much?

” asked the manager. “I don’t know exactly,” said Fred, “I haven’t shaken it lately.”

Where did the fortune-teller go on her vacation?

To Palm Beach.

Where do mermaids go to see movies?

…The dive-in

Which painter always had a very bad cold?

Vincent Van Cough

Who does a ghoul fall in love with?

His ghoul friend.

Why are Saturday and Sunday so strong?

Because the rest are weekdays.

Why can’t you keep secrets in a bank?

Because of all the tellers.

Why did the boxer date the pretty girl?

Because she was a knockout!

Why did the janitor take early retirement?

Because he realized that grime doesn’t pay.

Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear?

Because the bear had many fine koala-ties!

Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener ?

He had a bee in his suit of armour !

Why did the teacher decide to become an electrician?

To get a bit of light relief.

Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?

Because they’re both cracked!

Why was six scared of seven?

Because seven ate nine.

Why was the banker bored?

Because he lost interest in everything.

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