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What happened at the cannibal’s wedding party?

They toasted the bride and groom.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?

They’re married.

What’s the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary?

Get married on his birthday.

What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irishfuneral?

One less drunk.

When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist.Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, “Life isn’t worth living. I think I’m gonna top myself.”"Don’t be stupid, Joe,” said the psychiatrist. “My wife ran off and left me too, yet I’m happy.”"How?

” asked Joe.”Easy,” replied the quack. “I threw myself into my work. I totally submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way, Joe, what work do you do?

“”I clean out septic tanks.” Joe replied.

When Mr. Maxwell’s wife left him he couldn’t sleep.”She took the bed!”

Where did the burgers go after their wedding?

On a bun-eymoon!

Why did the 280-pound girl marry the 400-pound man?

She wanted a big wedding.

Why is a bride always out of luck on her wedding day?

Because she never marries the best man.

Why was the broom late ?

It over swept !

Wife, opening mail, to spouse: “The bank says that this is our last notice. Isn’t it wonderful that they’re not going to bother us anymore?

‘

Wife: “Do you think of me when you’re away darling?

“Husband: “Yes honey, I always bare you in mind.”

Wife: Who was that on the phone?

Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather bureau.Wife: What did he say?

Husband: He asked if the coast was clear…

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nites, and so does she.

Young Actor: Dad, guess what?

I’ve just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who’s been married for 30 years. Father: Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you’ll get a speaking part.

young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, “Now how can I tell my wife that I’ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink?

I’ve managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she’s bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?

“Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, “Now how do I tell my husband that I’ve got really bad breath?

I’ve been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he’s lived with me for a week, he’s bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?

“The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, “Darling, I’ve a c onfession to make.”And she says, “So have I, love.”To which he replies, “Don’t tell me, you’ve eaten my socks.”

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