What do you get when you cross a Jehova’s witness with a business man?
A door to door salesman!
What do you get when you cross Holy Water with castor oil?
A religious movement!
What is the meaning of life?
All evidence to date suggests it’s chocolate.
What language do the Vatican Police speak?
Pig Latin!
What’s black and white, black and white, black and white?
A nun rolling down a hill.
What’s the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale ?
You can’t keep a good man down !
When the airline Captain announced they were flying over Salt LakeCity, Utah, a womantold the man sitting beside her, “I understand this is the home of theMormon religionwhere husbands believe it’s OK to have more than one wife.” That’strue,” he replied, “asa matter of fact I happen to be a Mormon myself and have nine wives.”"Howdisgusting,”she said,”you should be ashamed of yourself, suchpractices should be againstthe law and you ought to be hung.” With a slight grin, he just said,”Yes, mam I am.”
When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he wentout and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might noticehim on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there wasthis bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. Thethe guy’s amazement, when the Pope came, he went over to thebum, and whispered something in his ear. Enraged, the guy wentover to the bum and offered him $100 for the clothes off hisback. Next day, he went back to the parade dressed like a bum.Sure enough, when the Pope came, he stopped in front of thisguy, and whispered in his ear, “I thought I told you to getthe hell out of here!”
While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member ofthe congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi,horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk toBernie.Rabbi: “What are doing here with a dog?
“Bernie: “The dog came here to pray.”"Oh, come on.” says the Rabbi.”YES!” says Bernie.Rabbi: “I don’t believe you. You are just fooling around; that’s not aproper thing to do in temple.”Bernie: “Its true!”..”Ok”, says the Rabbi, “then show me what the dog can do.”"OK” says Bernie nodding to the dog…The dog proceeds to open up thebarrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on hishead) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! TheRabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes.When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the qualityof the praying he says to Bernie. “Do you think your dog would considergoing to Rabbinical school?
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?
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“Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says,”YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!”
Who is the fastest runner in history.Adam – because he was the first in the human race.
Who was the best actor in the bible ?
Samson, he brought the house down !
