Winnie-the-Pooh is eating a roll. Piglet arrives.- Give me some roll, Winnie!- It’s not a roll, it’s a bun.- Give me some bun, Winnie!- It’s not a bun, it’s a bap.- Give me some bap, Winnie!- Get lost, you pig! Stop being such a pain in the neck! You can’t even make up your mind!
Winnie and Piglet sit on the bank of the river and smoke dope.A crocodile comes out of the river:- Hey pals, let me have a whiff.- Get lost, oh green one!- Come on guys, just one!- Go %@~# yourself!So what would you do?
Well, the crocodile swallows Piglet and sits in his place.Winnie, inhaling, is holding the butt out to Piglet and suddenly sees a crocodile.- W-ell, it seems enough for you, pig!
Windsor castle, outside of London, is directly in the flight path of Heathrow International Airport. While a group of tourist was standing outside the castle admiring the elegant structure, a plane flew overhead at a relatively low altitude making a tremendous amount of noise. One particularly annoyed tourist whined, “Why did they build the castle so close to the airport?
“
Winning the Lottery by Jack Potts
Witch l: “How do you manage to stay in shape?
” Witch 2: “I get a lot of hexercise.”
Witch: Doctor, I can’t help pulling ugly faces. Doctor: Well there’s nothing terrible about that. Witch: It is when the people with ugly faces don’t like them being pulled.
Witch: Doctor, doctor, I don’t feel well. Doctor: Don’t worry, you’ll just have to go to bed for a spell.
With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic.To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies.I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the refrigerator.As a reminder, I wrote at the top: “IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT DOWN.”When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the following message:”MOM, YOU MAY BE A BIT OLD-FASHIONED, BUT YOU ARE NOT ‘OUT OF IT.”‘
Witch: Why have you stopped playing cards with my sister ?
Wizard: Well would you play with someone who cheats all the time, is a poor loser and keeps tearing up the cards ?
Witch: No I wouldn’t.Wizard: No, well nor will she.
Woman in bed: Aaagh! Aaagh! A ghost just floated into my room!Ghost: Don’t worry, ma’am, I’m just passing through.