Judge: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?A: All my autopsies are on dead ... Read more

Judge: Are you married?A. No, I'm divorced.Judge. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?A. A lot of things I didn't know ... Read more

Jury: Twelve men and women trying to decide which party has the best lawyer.Justice: A decision in your ... Read more

Mr. Schneider stood up in court. "As God is my judge, I do not owe myex-wife any money."Glaring down at him, the judge replied, "He's not. I am. You ... Read more

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being ... Read more

Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?Defendant: No, I did not.Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for ... Read more

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And ... Read more

The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, "So how do you plead?""Not guilty" said the second defendant."I wasn't talking to you" the judge replied."I never said a word" ... Read more

The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge, "I dont recognize this court!""Why?" asked the Judge."Because you've had it decorated since the last time I was ... Read more

The judge said to his dentist: "Pull my tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the ... Read more