Author Archives: lennart

One night Bill Clinton was awake…

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One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. “George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?

” Clinton asked.”Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised George.The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. “Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?

” Clinton asked.”Cut taxes and reduce the size of government,” advised Tom.Clinton didn’t sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln’s ghost. “Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?

” Clinton asked. Abe replied, “Go to the theater.”

One night a wife found her husba…

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One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.”A penny for your thoughts,” she said.”It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50.”

One morning while making breakfa…

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One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, “You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle.” While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence. The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, “You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra.” This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, “You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the poolman and your brother.

One morning this blonde calls he…

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One morning this blonde calls her friend and says, “Would you mind coming over and helping me out with this killer jigsaw puzzle I bought — I can’t figure out how to get started.”Her friend asks, “What’s the puzzle of?

“”From the picture on the box, I’d guess it’s a tiger,” replied the blonde.The friend obliges, and when he arrives the blonde greets him at the front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table.He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. Then, he turns to her and says, “I’m afraid that no matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of the tiger on the box.””Why not?

” asks the disappointed blonde.”Because, you didn’t buy a jigsaw puzzle… what you have here is a box of Frosted Flakes.”

One man’s hobby was fishing, he …

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One man’s hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, and he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. “What a terrible weather today, honey.” he said to her. “Yes. And my idiot went fishing!”

One Halloween this woman opens h…

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One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes. She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, “what are you supposed to say sweetheart?

“The little girl looks up at the woman and says “Twick or Tweat!” The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, “Go ahead honey say it just one more time.” Once again the little Angel looks up and says, “Twick or Tweat!” The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl’s Treat Bag.The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, “Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my f**king cookies!”

One guy was on duty in the main …

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One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest and staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position only now she was impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied, It’s about time! I pushed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!