One goldfish to his tankmate: “If there’s no God, who changes the water?
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One goldfish to his tankmate: “I…
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Author Archives: lennart
One evening, a Counselor saw Max…
One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees. ‘What are you doing?
‘ she asked.’I’m looking for my dollar bill,’ Max replied. ‘I lost it down the road.”Why don’t you look for it there?
”Because the light’s better here!’
One evening this Columbia Yuppie…
One evening this Columbia Yuppie was stopped for allegedly drunken driving and was given a breath test by the Howard County Police.”Well ?
” he asked somewhat belligerently as the Desk Sergeant slowly read the print out and entered the information in the arrest record.”Disappointing to say the least,” the Sergeant replied. “Chateau Duvalier… 1962… rather thin… not aged well at all.”
One Saturday afternoon, a man wa…
One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn. A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, “You should be hung!” To which he calmly replied, “I am. That’s why she cuts the grass!”
One out of every four people is …
One out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. Check three friends. If they’re OK, then it’s you.
One of the bachelors in the apar…
One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked upbehind an older woman, covered her eyes with his hands, and said, “I’mgoing to kiss you if you can’t tell me who I am in three guesses.”She quickly answered, “George Washington! Thomas Jefferson!Abraham Lincoln!”
One of my husband’s duties as a …
One of my husband’s duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, “There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!”Checking to see that he had everyone’s attention, he asked, “What is the first rule?
” Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, “Shut up, Drill Sergeant!”
One of Microsoft’s finest techni…
One of Microsoft’s finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, “It’s leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!”
One night, this guy come into a …
One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.”What’s the matter?
” the bartender asks.”My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy “and now she isn’t talking to me for a whole 31 days.” The bartender thought about this for a while. “But, isn’t it a good thing that she isn’t talking to you?
” asked the bartender.”Yeah, except today is the last night.”
One night, Peter was home watchi…
One night, Peter was home watching TV when his wife entered the room and asked, “If I died, would you remarry?
” Peter thought for a second then said “Yeah I guess I would”. Then his the wife asked, “well would you have her as your golfing partner?
” Peter replied, “yep I probably would do that too”. “But surely you wouldn’t give her my clubs?
!”, she cried. Peter looked at her and said, “Nah, shes left handed.”