St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys. “Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven. “But you realize, I hope, that we’ve got all the good players and the best coaches.” “I know, and that’s all right,” Satan answered unperturbed. “We’ve got all the umpires.”
Tad looked up from the book on ancient history he was reading and asked his father, “Pop, what’s a millennium?
” “Well,” he muttered, “I think it’s something like a centennial, only it has more legs!”
Tad answered the Tennessee State frat house phone. “Hi,” said the voice, “this is Rollie. Come on over, we’re having a real wildass party.” “Shit, Ah’d shore love to,” said Tad, “but Ah got me a bad case of gonorrhea.” “Bring it along!” answered Rollie. “The way thangs is goin’, mah buddies’ll drink anythin’!”
t was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?
“”Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.”That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?
“”Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.
Swint and Fess, two Oklahoma cowboys, were resting their horses out on the range. “What’d Emmaline give yew for yore birthday?
” asked Swint. “Pair of cufflinks,” said Fess. “But I ain’t got no use for them. I can’t even find anyplace to get my wrists pierced.”
Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 11 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 175-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 25,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.
Surveyor: This house is a ruin. I wonder what stops it from falling down. Owner: I think the woodworm are holding hands.
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongshave a new baby. The nurse brings them over a lovely,healthy, bouncy, definitely Caucasian white baby boy!”Congratulations,” says the nurse to the new parents.”What will you name the baby”?
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,”Well, two Wong’s don’t make a white, so I think wewill name him Sum Ting Wong!
Student: “Would it be possible to install Arabic language support on those computers?
” Computer Teacher: “In order to use Arabic language in Windows, you must install an Arabic graphic card. So I don’t think we could do that.”
Student l: “Did you know that ghosts are protected by the Constitution?
” Student 2: “They are?
” Student 1: “Sure. It’s in the Bill of Frights!”