Frankenstein: Help, I’ve got a short circuit! Igor: Don’t worry, I’ll lengthen it.
Frankenstein: Help, I’ve got a s…
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Author Archives: lennart
Frankenstein was sitting in his …
Frankenstein was sitting in his cell when suddenly through the wall came the ghost of his monster, with a rope round his neck. Frankenstein said, “Monster, monster, what are you doing here?
” The monster said, “Well, boss, they hanged me this morning so now I’ve come to meet my maker.”
Four workers were discussing how…
Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could draw. His dog’s name was “T-Square”, and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which he did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog, “Balance”, could do better. He told him to fetch a dozen cookies and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was a very good stunt, but that his dog, “Apothecary”, could do better yet. He told his dog to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. Apothecary did this without a hitch. All three men agreed their dogs were equally smart. They turned to the Civil Servant and asked him what his dog could do. The Civil Servant called his dog, whose name was “Coffee break”, and said, “Show the fellows what you can do, old buddy.” Coffee Break then stroll ed over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, screwed the other three dogs and claimed he injured his back while doing so. He then filed a grievance for unsafe conditions, applied for Workers’ Compensation, and left for home on sick leave.
Four Mexicans were in an open tr…
Four Mexicans were in an open truck that had run into the lake.The twoin the front seat escaped unharmed, but the two in the back bed drowned -they couldn’t get the tailgate open!
Four men were bragging about how…
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog, “T-square, do your stuff!”. T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, “Slide Rule, do your stuff!”. Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, “Measure, do your stuff!”. Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured ex actly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. The three men turned to the Government Worker and said, “What can your dog do?
“. The Government Worker called to his dog and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff!”. Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker’s Compensation and went home on sick leave.
Four married guys go golfing on …
Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued: First Guy: “Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.” Second Guy: “That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.” Third Guy: “Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.” They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. “You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?
” Fourth Guy: “I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just say that the foundation for the new house is being poured next Tuesday.”
Four Independence boys, Pugh, Su…
Four Independence boys, Pugh, Sumter, Kilby and Grayson, were walking down a Clay County road when they came to a high, solid brick wall. Wondering what was behind it, Pugh, Sumter and Kilby boosted Grayson so he could take a look. “Looks like one of them nudist camps,” reported Grayson. “Men or women?
” asked Pugh. “Can’t tell,” said Grayson. “They don’t have no clothes on.”
Four expectant fathers were in a…
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.””What a coincidence!” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.”The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, “You, sir, are the father of triplets.””Wow, that’s really an incredible coincidence,” he answered. “I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down.”An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the third man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply.”Don’t tell me another coincidence?
” asked the nurse. rAfter finally regaining his composure, he said, “I don’t believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel.”After hearing this, everybody’s attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and, after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness.The nurse asked, “Sir, are you all right?
“”Yes” says the man, “I’m o.k. now. I just had a shocking thought. I work at the 7-11 Store.”
Four corporate presidents, one E…
Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.”You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution,” screamed the terrorist leader, “and you’re going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?
“The Englishman spoke first.”Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing “God Save The Queen” to all you men.””That can be arranged,” said the terrorist.The Frenchman said, “And I want to honor my country before I die by singing “The Marseilles” to your men.”The Japanese said, “Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management.”The terrorist turned finally to the America n.”What is your last request?
“The American replied, “I want you to kill me right now so I don’t have to listen to another lecture on the Japanese style of industrial management!”
Former Vice President Quayle, Sp…
Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the HouseGingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in acar together in Kansas. A tornado comes along andwhirls them up into the air and tosses them thousandsof yards away. They all fall into a daze. When they come to and extract themselves from thevehicle, they realize they’re in the fabled Land of Oz. They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. TheWizard is known for granting people their wishes. Quayle says, “I’m going to ask the Wizard for a brain.” Gingrich responds, “I’m going to ask the Wizard for a heart.” Clinton speaks up, “Where’s Dorothy?
“