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Pardon me for a moment, please," said the dentist to the victim, "but before beginning this work I must have my drill.""Good heavens, man!" exclaimed the patient irritably. "Can't you pull a tooth without a ... Read more
Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope ... Read more
Party Host: Hello? Phone Caller: I'm trying to reach a Ms. Nidiot. Her first name is Ima. Could you please ask if anybody at your party knows her? Party Host: I'd be glad to. Please hold on. (shouts) Excuse me, but does ... Read more
Passenger: Does this bus go to London? Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: There's an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don't sell ... Read more
Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York? Driver: Which part? Passenger: All of me, of ... Read more
Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean." The ... Read more
Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!" "Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big spinning thing here like ... Read more
Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, 'Mike, you wait here, I'm going to run in for confession, it's been a long time'.Pat enters the confessional and says,' Father forgive ... Read more
Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs ... Read more
Patient to Dentist: "How much to get my teeth straightened?" "Twenty thousand bucks" Patient heads for the door.Dentist to patient: "Where are you going?""To a plastic surgeon to get my mouth ... Read more
