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Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket?Professor Yes, but I thought it was ... Read more
Professor: I forgot to take my umbrella this morning. Wife: When did you first miss it, dear? Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had ... Read more
Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?Defendant: No, I did not.Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for ... Read more
Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationship withMonica Lewinsky?Pres: Improper? ... Ain't nothing improper about that. That was one ofthe the sweetest interns I've ever ... Read more
Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a ... Read more
Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on couch: "Nonsense! No way does everyone in the world hate you -- everyone in the US perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the ... Read more
Psychiatrist: Well, what's your problem? Patient: I prefer brown shoes to black shoes.Psychiatrist: There's nothing wrong with that. Lots of people prefer brown shoes to black shoes. I do myself.Patient: Really? How do ... Read more
Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.School Secretary: Who is this?Pupil: This is my father ... Read more
Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test!Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give ... Read more
Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a choice of computers to use.Teacher: You get a choice her, too. Use the one we've got or don't use any at ... Read more
