Salesman: That suit looks nice. It fits like a bandage.Customer: Thanks. I bought it by accident.

Salesman: Roll up, roll up! Come to our mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale. Customer: Forget it! No one round here’s got room in their houses for a mammoth.

Salesman: Would you like to buy a pocket calculator?

Customer: No, thanks. I know how many pockets I have.

The couple was standing staring at one of the more expensive models in the auto showroom. A salesman sensing their debate over the price moved in and said, “This model is priced just over the car which is priced a few dollars above the car which costs no more than some models of the lowest priced cars.”

The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.Well,” the man began, “I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said ‘Yes.’ Then I asked her ‘why ?

‘ She replied, ‘Because I love you’.”

The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes. He replied “It’s easy” and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top. He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato chips and dip to draw in the customers. He laid out his chips and dip. His boss said, “That’s a very innovative approach” and took one of the chips, dipped it, and stuck it in his mouth. “Yuck, this tastes terrible!” his boss yelled. The salesman replied “IT IS! Want to buy a toothbrush?

“

Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, “I’m returning on the next flight. Can’t sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot.”At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, telling “The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!”

What do you have to know to be a real estate salesman?

Lots.

What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine’s Day?

Rugs and kisses!

What happened when the man asked the salesman for a good belt?

“O.K., you asked for it,” the salesman said as he gave him a good belt.