Customer: Why is this sandwich half eaten?

Waiter: I didn’t have time to finish it.

Customer: Why don’t you have doggie bags?

Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals.

Customer: Why don’t you eat here, waiter?

Waiter: Serving it is bad enough, I don’t want to compound the felony.

Customer: Why doesn’t your menu list prices?

Waiter: We didn’t want to make you sick before the food does.

Diner: Could I have a glass of water?

Waiter: To drink?

Diner: No, I want to rinse out a few things.

Diner: What’s wrong with these eggs I ordered?

Waiter: Don’t ask me. I only laid the table.

Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!Waiter: Don’t worry, Sir, it’s not that hot!

Diner: Waitress, the portions are getting smaller.Waiter: It’s just an optical illusion. It’s just that the restaurant has been enlarged.

Diner: Waiter, please close the window.Waiter: Why, is there a draft?

Diner: Yes, it’s blown my steak off the plate three times.

Diner: May I please have a glass of water?

Waiter: Why, are you thirsty?

Diner: No, I want to see if my neck leaks.