I used to not get on with my mother-in-law, but over the last few months I’ve developed quite an attachment for her.It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut!
I tried to send an e-mail and broke my computer.How do you manage that?
I think it was when I tried to push it through the letterbox.
I want a hair cut please. Certainly, which one !
I use the internet to tell me what the weather’s like.How do you do that?
I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it’s raining!
I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.
I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?
That’s right, Sir.So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?
That was my dentist.
I went to a restaurant that serves -breakfast at any time.- So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said “Stop! Don’t do it!” “Why shouldn’t I?
” he said. I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!” “Like what?
” “Well … are you religious or atheist?
” “Religious.” “Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?
” “Christian.” “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?
” “Protestant.” “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?
” “Baptist.” “Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?
” “Baptist Church of God.” “Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?
” “Reformed Baptist Church of God.” “Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?
” “Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!” To which I said, “Die, heretic scum!” and pushed him off.
I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
I was so sorry to hear you buried your mother last week.Well, we had to, you know, she was dead.