Learner driver: What happens when everything’s coming your way?
Instructor: You’re in the wrong lane.
Learner driver: What happens whe…
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Author Archives: lennart
LH741: Tower, give me a rough ti…
LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check Tower: It’s Thursday, Sir.
Late one night, a burglar broke …
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: “Jesus is watching you!” Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. “Jesus is watching you,” the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: “Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?
” “Yes”, said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: “What’s your name?
” “Clarence,” said the bird. “That’s a dumb name for a parrot,” sneered the burglar. “What idiot named you Clarence?
” The parrot said, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus.”
Late one night, a mugger wearing…
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the pathof a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me yourmoney”, he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, “Hey, watch it – I’m a UnitedStates Congressman!” “In that case,” replied the mugger, “give me MY money.”
Lawyer: “Let me give you my hone…
Lawyer: “Let me give you my honest opinion.”Client: “No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.”
Lawyer: “Now that you have been …
Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?
“Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”
Laws of Accounting1. Trial balan…
Laws of Accounting1. Trial balances don’t2. Bank reconciliations never do3. Working Capital does not4. Return on Investments never will
Late one night, a burglar broke …
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, “Jesus is watching you!” Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. “Jesus is watching you,” the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: “Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?
“”Yes,” said the parrot.The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: “What’s your name?
“”Clarence,” said the bird.”That’s a dumb name for a parrot,” sneered the burglar. “What idiot named you Clarence?
“The parrot said, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus.”
Last summer, the President and M…
Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary’s high school love. They exchanged hellos, and went on their way. As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, “Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today.” She smirked and replied, “No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States.”
Last year’s Christmas pudding wa…
Last year’s Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean.That’s probably why the ocean’s full of currants!