Motorist: When I bought this car you told me it was rust-free, but underneath it’s covered with rustDealer: Yes, sir. The car is rust-free. We didn’t charge you for it, did we?
Motorist: When I bought this car…
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Author Archives: lennart
Motorist: Does a deer have a hor…
Motorist: Does a deer have a horn?
Police Officer: No, a deer has two horns.Motorist: Then it must have been a car that ran over my uncle.
Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to …
Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a facelift last week. Mrs Baggy: Tried to?
Mrs Saggy: Yes, they couldn’t find a crane strong enough to lift her face!
Mrs Smith, the biology teacher, …
Mrs Smith, the biology teacher, was very fond of fish. She was also rather deaf, which was great for the children in her class. “What Mrs Smith needs,” said one of her colleagues, “is a herring-aid.”
Mrs. Caroline Squires of Cincinn…
Mrs. Caroline Squires of Cincinnati filed for a divorce from her husband in 1949 on grounds of desertion. She testified he’d stepped out “for a beer” on the Fourth of July, 1917, and had never come back.
Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were t…
Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one day about Mr. Riley and his constant drinking. Mrs. Dugan said, “I have an idea about how to stop him from spending so much time at the pub. Every night he comes home through the cemetery. One night you should get disguised and spook him when he comes staggering through.” So Mrs. Riley waited in the cemetery one night until she heard her husband coming. She jumped up and a startled Riley said, “Who are you?
?
” Mrs. Riley replied, “I am the devil!” With that, Riley shook her hand and said, “Glad to meet ya, I’m married to your sister.”
MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try t…
MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend, dear. Fall down when she hits you.
Mr Monster: Oi, hurry up with my…
Mr Monster: Oi, hurry up with my supper. Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I’ve only got three pairs of hands.
Motorist: Why are you crying aft…
Motorist: Why are you crying after giving me that ticket?
Policeman: It was a moving violation.
Mr Evans was the Chief Accountan…
Mr Evans was the Chief Accountant of a large manufacturing concern. Every day, on arriving at work, he would unlock the top drawer of his desk, peer at something inside, then close and lock the drawer. He had done this for 25 years. The entire staff was intrigued but no-one was game to ask him what was in the drawer. Finally the time came for Mr Evans to retire. There was a farewell party with speeches and a presentation. As soon as Mr Evans had left the building some of the staff rushed into his office, unlocked the top drawer and peered in. Taped to the bottom of the drawer was a sheet of paper. It read, “The debit side is the one nearest the window.”