The Sunday School teacher asked if any of the children’s parents had quoted from the Bible in the past week. Little Timmy paused, but then spoke up, “My daddy doesn’t have any hair on his head. Daddy says that God put hair on everything that he was ashamed of.”
The Strongmanby Everhard Muscles
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.” “You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.” The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right. Get in.”
The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student’s neighbor, “Hey wake that student up!”The neighbor yells back, “You put him to sleep, you wake him up!”
The teacher came up with a good problem. “Suppose,” she asked the second-graders, “there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?
“”None,” answered little Norman.”None?
Norman, you don’t know your arithmetic.””Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”
The teacher asked Simon to say his name backwards.”No mis” he replied
The teacher asked a Louisiana teenager to count to five. The youngster proceeded to count to five on his fingers. Then the teacher asked, “Can you count any higher?
” The boy raised his hands over his head and counted to five again.
THE teacher announced that to practice spelling, each member of the class would say what their fathers did for a living and then spell the occupation. Mary went first. “My Dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here, he would give everyone a cookie.” Next came Tommy. “My dad is a banker, b-a-n-k-e-r, and if he were here, he’d give each of us a quarter.” Third came Jimmy. “My dad is an electrician.” But after struggling through a number of attempts to spell the word, the teacher asked him to sit and think about it for a moment while she called on someone else. She then turned to Johnny. “My dad’s a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e,” Johnny said. “And if he were here, he’d lay you 8 to 5 that Jimmy ain’t never gonnaspell electrician.”
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, “Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me.” So the Doberman says, “I love liver and cheese.” The Collie replies, “That’s not good enough.” The Bulldog says, “I hate liver and cheese.” She says, “That’s not creative enough.” Finally, the Chihuahua says, “Liver alone . . . cheese mine.”
The swing doors of the Wild West saloon crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury. “All right!” he raged, “all right! Who did it?
What goldarned varmint painted my horse blue?
” The huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and town baddie rose from a chair by the door. “It was me, shrimp,” he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists, “what about it?
” “Oh, well, er,” stammered little Pete wretchedly, “all I wanted to say was. . .when are you going to give it another coat?
“