The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: “I’m afraid we’re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.””Well, if it’s just because of them, I’d rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.”
The train was about to pull out of the station. Swinging a large bag, a young man managed to reach the train, throw his bag in and climb aboard, gasping for air. seeking at him, another man said, “Young man, you should be in better shape! At your age, I could catch the train by a gnat’s whisker and still be fresh. Look at you, panting away.” The young man took a deep breath and said, “Pop, I missed this train at the *last* station.”
The tourist: “Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?
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The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes. He replied “It’s easy” and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top. He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato chips and dip to draw in the customers. He laid out his chips and dip. His boss said, “That’s a very innovative approach” and took one of the chips, dipped it, and stuck it in his mouth. “Yuck, this tastes terrible!” his boss yelled. The salesman replied “IT IS! Want to buy a toothbrush?
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The Three Laws of Secure Computing1) Don’t buy a computer.2) If you do buy a computer, don’t plug it in.3) If you do plug it in, sell it and return to step 1.
The theatrical manager exclaimed: “Your last role was magnificent, Mr. Brown. You enacted so well that officer wounded on the battlefield. Your suffering looked very much like real.” “It was. I’ve got a large nail in my shoe.” “Well,” said the manager, “for heaven’s sake leave it in until the end of the run of the play.”
The Ten Commandments Of EmploymentIf it rings, put it on hold.If it clunks, call the repairman.If it whistles, ignore it.If it’s a friend, stop work and chat.If it’s the boss, look busy.If it talks, take notes.If it’s handwritten, type it.if it’s typed, copy it.If it’s copied, file it.If it’s Friday, forget it!
The teacher was reviewing counting with her first-grade class. “Jackie,” she asked, “can you count to 10 without mistakes?
“”Yes,” said Jackie, and she did.”Now, Fred,” said the teacher, “can you count from 10 to 20?
“”That depends,” said Fred, “with or without mistakes”!
The teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on counting. Jackie got things started by counting from 1 to 10. “Now, Fred,” said the teacher, “you take over, beginning with 11.””11, 14, 23, 42, 26,” said Fred.”What kind of counting is that’?
” asked the teacher”Who’s counting’?
” replied Fred. “I’m calling signals.”
The teacher was furious with her son. “Just because you’ve been put in my class, there’s no need to think you can take liberties. You’re a pig.” The boy said nothing. “Well! Do you know what a pig is?
” “Yes, Mom,” said the boy. “The offspring of a swine.”