The world is divided into two groups. There are those who know, and those who don’t know. Those who know are no problem.Those who don’t know are also in two groups.One is those who don’t know and know they don’t know. Well, they can learn!But then, there are those who don’t know, and don’t know they don’t know. And they become unit managers!
The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, “I don’t get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were were unable to make service because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer.”One hunter groaned, “Well, it worked. They’re all safe.”
The wedding was over, and the reception was in full swing. Dave an usher, was having a great time with other members of the wedding party. His wife, Betty was not. “Don’t be to mad at Dave,” a friend told her. “He did a terrific job. I’d be glad to have him usher at my wedding.” “Yeah,” Betty replied, “I wish he had been an usher at mine.”
The Volunteer Fire Chief in a small town had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his friends and family started toward their cars.However, they stopped because a strange, eerie sound suddenly was heard from the grave.As the guests looked around, a colleague of the deceased said, “Don’t worry… it’s just the dispatcher toning him out.”
The Untamed Tiger by Claudia Armoff
The Ugly Hag by Ida Face
The U.S. has only three hurricane warning centers – Coral Gables, FL, Guam, and Honolulu, HI (recently completed). All three have faced Category 4 hurricanes in the past month. Which only goes to show: If you build it, they will come!
The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.The one in the middle announced, “Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!”Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, “All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service.”
The transatlantic liner was experiencing particularly heavy weather, and Mrs Jones wasn’t feeling well. “Would you care for some more supper, ma’am?
” asked the steward. “No, thanks,” replied the wretched passenger. “Just throw it overboard to save me the trouble.”
The young lad had applied for a job, and was asked his full name. “Aloysius Montmorency Geoghan,” he replied. “How do you spell that?
” asked the manager. “Er ?
sir ?
er ?
can’t you just put it down without spelling it?
“