The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens.”It is wonderful,” the husband exclaimed. “We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?
“”Yes, you male chauvinist pig,” his wife replied. “Tonight, you cook dinner!”
The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for.”Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.””Well, how does this sound?
Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometres, say a Mercedes convertible.”The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. “Wow. Are you kidding?
“”Yeah. But you started it.”
The Worst Strikerby Mr Goal
The Worst Journey in the Worldby Helen Back
The world’s most incredibly lazy man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel. “They’re yours, but what are they for?
” the genie asked.”I’m tired of walking everywhere–I want to just ride the horse. The sumo wrestler is so that I won’t have to work to get on the horse.””But the squirrel?
” asked the genie.”I need something to go ‘click-click’ to start the horse!!!”
The World of Vegetables by Artie Choak
There are a lot of folks that can’t understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA.Well, here’s the answer: It’s simple………nobody bothered to check the oil. Didn’t know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that is geographical. Most of the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma, and all the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.
Then there’s the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch.The dentist says, “Madam, I believe you’ve got a hold of my privates.”The woman replies, “Yes. Now, we’re going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren’t we.”
Then there was the Puerto Rican surgeon who made medical history. He performed the first appendix transplant.
The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to ahot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, whopays with a $20 bill.The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. “Where’s mychange?
” asks the Zen Master. The vendor responds, “Change must come from within.”