Author Archives: lennart

There’s this cathedral that’s st…

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There’s this cathedral that’s still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a “cage elevator” inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these “cage elevators” is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be “called” to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling up to the heavens: “Peter! CLOSE THE GATES!!!”

There’s a guy who’s hiking in th…

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There’s a guy who’s hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree.The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away.So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he’s brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn’t reach him. Eventually, the bears went away.Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.

There’s a brunette standing in t…

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There’s a brunette standing in the middle of a street jumping up and down, counting “57, 57, 57.” A blonde walks up to her and decides that this game could be fun. She asks the brunette if she can play too and the brunette says, “Sure.” So the two jump up and down counting “57, 57, 57.” Suddenly, the brunette jumps onto the curb and the blonde gets hit by a truck. The brunette goes back into the street and starts jumping again, counting “58, 58, 58.”

There where two snakes talking. …

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There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said ‘Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they’re dead?

Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?

‘. Then the second Snake says “Why do you ask?

” The 1st one replies: “I just bit my lip!”

There were two guys working for …

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There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole — he would dig, dig, dig.The other would come behind him and fill the hole — fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn’t believe how hard these men were working, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.He said to the hole digger, “I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing?

You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!”The hole digger replied, “Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today.”

There were three men working at …

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There were three men working at the top of a building. One was Chinese, one was Mexican, and the other one was Polish. At lunch they went to the edge and the top of the building the Mexican guy pulled out a taco and he said if I get another taco I am gonna jump off this bulding tomorrow. The Chinese guy pulled out fried rice and said if I get fried rice tomorrow I’m gonna jump off with you. The Polish guy pulled out a ham sanwich and said if I get another ham sandwich I’m gonna jump tomorrow with you guys too. The next day the Mexican guy got a taco so he jumped off. The Chinese guy got fried rice so he jumped off. The Polish guy got a ham sandwich so hey jumped off the building. The next day their wives had a triple funeral and the Mexican guy’s wife was crying and she said I could have made him a burrito or something. The Chinese guy’s wife was cring and said I could have made him some sushi. Th e Polish guy’s wife couldn’t stop laughing. The other’s asked what was so funny?

She stopped for a second and said that he had always made his own lunch.

These two construction workers a…

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These two construction workers always noticed that their boss always left early on Fridays. So one asked the other that if the boss left early next Friday if he would want to also. The other man agreed. Sure enough, when Friday came, the boss left early. Therefore, the two men left also. The one offered the other to join him down at the bar, but he decided to just head on home. When he arrived home, he heard a noise from up stairs. When he reached the top of the stairs, he noticed that the noise was coming from the bedroom. He opened the door and saw his boss sleeping with his wife, so he quietly closed the door and headed back down the stairs and out the front door. He made his way down to the bar to see if his friend was still there and he was. His friend asked, “I thought you were headed home?

” The man replied, “I did, but this is the last time I ever leave work early a gain.” His friend asked, “Why’s that?

” The man replied, “I almost got caught by the boss.”

These four guys were walking dow…

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These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, “Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?

“The Saudi says, “What’s a shortage?

“The Russian says, “What’s meat?

“The North Korean says, “What’s an opinion?

“The New Yorker, says, “Excuse me?

?

What’s excuse me?

“