Author Archives: lennart

This guy is selling three parrot…

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This guy is selling three parrots. Another guy who wants to buy a parrot approaches him and asks, “How much are your parrots?

“The salesman answers, “The first one is $1,000.” “What does he know?

“”He knows 10,000 words and 500 sentences and is able to solve mathematical expressions.””How about the second one?

“”The second parrot costs $5,000.””What does he know?

“”He knows 100,000 words and 10,000 sentences, is able to solve mathematical expressions, and create computer programs.””Then what is the price for the third one?

, the buyer is wondering.””This one costs $20,000.””Really?

!, wonders the exciting buyer. What does he know?

“”This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him ‘THEIR BOSS.'”

This guy goes to the zoo one day…

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This guy goes to the zoo one day. While standing in front of the gorilla’s cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means “F**k you!” in gorilla language. The explanation didn’t make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge.The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla’s cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn.Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half.The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.

This guy goes to the zoo one day…

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This guy goes to the zoo one day. While standing in front of the gorilla’s cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means “F**k you!” in gorilla language. The explanation didn’t make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge.The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla’s cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn.Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half.The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.

This Marine drill instructor, co…

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This Marine drill instructor, completely frazzled by the ineptitude of his recruits, burst into a blue streak of swearing hot enough to blister paint. He broke off suddenly when he noticed one of the recruits had been talking in ranks. “WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID, RECRUIT?

?

” the drill sergeant hollered. In a quivering voice, the recruit replied, “I said, to myself, Drill Sergeant Sir, ‘if that sucker thinks I’m going to stand here and take his crap . . . well, he’s certainly an uncanny judge of character.

This man was sitting quietly rea…

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This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefullyenjoying himself,when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of hishead with a hugefrying pan.Man: “What was that for?

“Wife: “What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the nameMarylou written onit?

“Man: “Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races?

Marylou wasthe name of one of the horses I bet on.”The wife looked all satisfied and goes off to work around the house.Three days later he isonce again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying panswatting.Man: “What the hell was that for this time?

“Wife: “Your horse called.”

This little snail bought a littl…

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This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little S’s painted all around and all over his car. The service man asked him why, and the snail answered “When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!”

This is the story of four people…

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This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed Somebody.

Three animals were having a drin…

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Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. “I’m not paying,” said the duck. “I’ve only got one bill and I’m not breaking it.””I’ve spent my last buck,” said the deer. “Then the duck’ll have to pay,” said the skunk. “Getting here cost me my last scent.”

This women had a magic morror fr…

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This women had a magic morror from which anything you wanted you got,so one day she stood in front of the mirror and said I wish i had bigger breasts and it happened so then she ran down stairs to show her husband he was so amazed that he ran up stairs and stood infront of the mirror and said i wish my dick could touch the floor and his legs fell off !