Author Archives: lennart

Three people die, a Doctor a sch…

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Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor ‘what did you do on Earth?

‘The Dotor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter told the Doctor, ‘you may go in.’St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, I taught educationally challenged children. St. Peter then told her ‘you may go in.’St. Peter asked the third man, ‘what did you do?

‘ The man hung his head and replied, ‘I ran a large HMO.’ To which St. Peter replied, ‘you may go in, but you can only stay 3 days.’

Three patients in a mental insti…

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Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. “Congratulations! You’re a free man. Just tell me why didn’t you jump?

” asked the doctor.To which the third patient answered, “Well Doc, I can’t swim!”

Three patients at a psychiatric …

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Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The shrink informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. Asking the first patient: Q. How much is two plus two?

A: Blue. At which the kind doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room. Turning to the second patient, he asks what is six minus three?

To which the patient replies: Square. Once again the orderly is called in to remove the patient. Turning to the third and last patient, he asks, “How much is five plus five?

” The patient answers very confidentally: Ten. The doctor, amazed then inquires how did you figure it out?

The patient: “Easy.Blue multiplied by square equals ten.”

Tim once took his small cousin w…

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Tim once took his small cousin with him while he went fishing: When he returned, he was looking very fed up. “I’ll never do that again,” he complained to his Dad. “Did she frighten off the fish?

” enquired Dad. “No,” replied Tim. “She sat on the bank and ate all my maggots.”

Three women are about to be exec…

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Three women are about to be executed. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead and one’s a blonde.The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.She says no and the executioner shouts, ”Ready! Aim!” Suddenly the brunette yells, ”EARTHQUAKE!!!” Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, ”Ready! Aim!” Suddenly the redhead yells, ”TORNADO!!!” Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!” and the blonde yells, ”FIRE!!!”’

Three women are about to be exec…

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Three women are about to be executed. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead and one’s a blonde.The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.She says no and the executioner shouts, ”Ready! Aim!” Suddenly the brunette yells, ”EARTHQUAKE!!!” Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, ”Ready! Aim!” Suddenly the redhead yells, ”TORNADO!!!” Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!” and the blonde yells, ”FIRE!!!”’

Three weeks after her wedding da…

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Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. “Reverend,” she wailed, “John and I had a DREADFUL fight!” “Calm down, my child,” said the minister, “it’s not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!” “I know, I know!” said Joanna, “but what am I going to do with the BODY?

“

Three vampires walk into a bar a…

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Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, “I vould like some blood.”The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, “I vould like some blood.”The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, “I vould like some plasma.”The waitress looks up and says, “Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?

“

Three students from Michigan Sta…

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Three students from Michigan State, the University of Kentucky and Texas A & M on summer vacation in France were caught smuggling cocaine and sentenced to death by guillotine. The judge turned to the boy from Michigan and asked, “Do you have any final words, son?

” “Yeah, drop dead!” snapped the Wolverine. Hearing this, the judge signaled for the sentence to be carried out. The executioner pulled the lever, and as the crowd gaped in astonishment, the giant blade came to a screeching halt three inches from the victim’s throat. “It’s God’s will! Let him go!” cried the judge. Next the fella from U. of Kentucky was put on the block, and the judge asked again, “And what are your final remarks, my boy?

” “Go to hell!” shouted the student, and the judge signaled. The razor-sharp blade fell and miraculously stopped just a quarter inch from the condemned boy’s neck. “It’s the wi ll of God!” exclaimed the judge. “Set him free!” Finally the Texan was put into position. “Before you’re beheaded,” said the judge, “do you have any last words?

” “Yeh!” replied the Aggie. “If y’all will just put a little more grease on them grooves, the blade’ll come down a whole lot easier!”