Tipton and Baldwin shared a room on the North Carolina campus. One day Tipton came in and said to his roommate, “I hear there’s a new case of herpes in the dorm.” “Great!” said Baldwin. “I was getting tired of 7-Up!”
Tom: What did the banana say to the elephant?
Nick: I don’t know. Tom: Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!”. “Really?
” he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says “Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?
” The clerk replies “Canned or frozen?
“
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.”Boss”, he said, ” The pill actually worked!””That’s all fine” said the boss, ” But where were you yesterday?
“
Today is my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Really?
Yes, I’ve been married twenty-five times!
Today I saw a baby who had put on five stone in weight in two weeks by drinking elephant’s milk. Whose baby was it?
The elephant’s!
To whom do fish go to borrow money ?
The loan shark !
To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.
Titus was on a Knoxville elevator with several other people. As the elevator moved up, he stared at the small fan revolving slowly in the elevator ceiling. “It’s amazing,” he said to the other people, “that such a small fan could lift all these people!”
Tower: Shamu two-two, please state estimated time of arrival. Pilot: Ok, let’s see…, I think Tuesday would be nice…