Turtle to turtle: “Don’t ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?
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Turtle to turtle: “Don’t ya just…
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Author Archives: lennart
Tuba Player: Did you hear my las…
Tuba Player: Did you hear my last recital?
Friend: I hope so.
ttle Johnny was in class and the…
ttle Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling. She explained, “I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today.” The first student raised her hand to volunteer. “Marcy,” the teacher said. “You may go first.” Marcy replied, “My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny.” The teacher said, “Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?
” Kevin stood up and announced, “My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie.” “Very good,” the teacher told Kevin. Jeff was next, and he said, “My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no…” nBefore he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again. Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next. Johnny said, “My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell “accountant.”
Trevor: That’s a cool pair of st…
Trevor: That’s a cool pair of stockings you have on Jill. One red and one green.Jill: Yes, and I have another pair just like it at home.
Treadwell walked into a Biloxi s…
Treadwell walked into a Biloxi stationery store and asked, “Have you got any invisible ink?
” “Certainly sir,” said the owner. “What color?
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Traffic was backed up for miles,…
Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on.He said “It’s Al Gore. He’s up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting donations.””Donations!” I said, “How much you got so far?
“He said “about ten gallons.”
Tower: What’s your heigth and po…
Tower: What’s your heigth and position?
Pilot: Well, I’m 6 foot tall and I’m sitting front left.
Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out …
Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, “I think I’ll go up and get a coke.” “No problem,” said the Israeli. “I’ll get it for you.” While he was gone, the Arab picked up the Israeli’s shoe and spit in it. When the Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, “That looks good. I think I’ll have one too.” Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab other picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York. As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. “How long must this go on?
” he asked. “This enmity between our peoples….. this hatred… this animosity… this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?
“
Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out …
Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, “I think I’ll go up and get a coke.” “No problem,” said the Israeli. “I’ll get it for you.” While he was gone, the Arab picked up the Israeli’s shoe and spit in it. When the Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, “That looks good. I think I’ll have one too.” Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab other picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York. As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoe s and knew immediately what had happened. “How long must this go on?
” he asked. “This enmity between our peoples….. this hatred… this animosity… this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?
“
Two anthropologists fly to the s…
Two anthropologists fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague is doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among a group of natives.”Greetings! How is it going?
” says the visiting anthropologist.”Wonderful!” says the other, “I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!”He points at a palm tree and says, “what is that?
“The natives, in unison, say “Umbalo-gong!”He then points at a rock and says, “and that?
“The natives again intone “Umbalo-gong!””You see!”, says the beaming anthropologist, “They use the SAME word for ‘rock’ and for ‘palm tree’!””That is truly amazing!” says the astonished visiting anthropologist, “On the other island, the same word means ‘ind ex finger’!”