Two old men were sat on a bench outside a nursing home having a chat. “How areyou, Richard?
” asked George. “I’m not feeling too good today, I’m utterlyexhausted,” replied Richard. “I’ve pulled a muscle, and it’s killing me.” “I’msurprised that a pulled muscle makes you feel so tired,” said George. Richardyawned and said, “Well, it does if you pull it a hundred times in one night.”
Two old men were sat on a bench outside a nursing home having a chat. “How areyou, Richard?
” asked George. “I’m not feeling too good today, I’m utterlyexhausted,” replied Richard. “I’ve pulled a muscle, and it’s killing me.” “I’msurprised that a pulled muscle makes you feel so tired,” said George. Richardyawned and said, “Well, it does if you pull it a hundred times in one night.”
Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing inTransylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, outof nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the carand hisses at them through the windshield.”Quick, quick!” shouts Sister Mary Agnes, “What should wedo?
“”Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of theabomination,” says Sister Mary Vincent.Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock themini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissingat the nuns. “What shall I do now?
” she shouts.”Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy waterbefore we left the Vatican,” replies Sister Mary Vincent.Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. Thevampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs onand continues hissing at the nuns.”Now what?
” shouts Sis ter Mary Agnes.”Show him your cross,” says Sister Mary Vincent.”Now you’re talking,” says Sister Mary Agnes. She thenopens the window and shouts, “Get the hell off our car!”
Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing inTransylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, outof nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the carand hisses at them through the windshield.”Quick, quick!” shouts Sister Mary Agnes, “What should wedo?
“”Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of theabomination,” says Sister Mary Vincent.Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock themini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissingat the nuns. “What shall I do now?
” she shouts.”Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy waterbefore we left the Vatican,” replies Sister Mary Vincent.Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. Thevampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs onand continues hissing at the nuns.”Now what?
” shouts Sis ter Mary Agnes.”Show him your cross,” says Sister Mary Vincent.”Now you’re talking,” says Sister Mary Agnes. She thenopens the window and shouts, “Get the hell off our car!”
Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman said, “I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, ‘Vote Democratic.'” His opponent said, “I have a better scheme, and it doesn’t cost me a nickel. I don’t give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say, ‘Vote Democratic.'”
Two owls were playing pool. One said, “Two hits.” The other replied, “Two hits to who?
“
Two parrots are sitting on a perch. The first one says to the other “can you smell fish?
“.
Two paratrooper recruits in a plane:- Are you crazy, Vasily?
You are going to jump without a parachute.- Is it mandatory to wear it?
– Sure. It’s raining outside.
Two pigs robbed a bank. Why were they caught so quickly?
They squealed on each other.
Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, all she would say as she stroked the officers arm is “Your Passionate” They drove awhile longer and asked again, again the same response as she stroked his arm “Your Passionate”. The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, Look we have driven around this City for two hours and you still haven’t told us where you live. She replied I keep trying to tell you: “Your Passin It!”