Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before. Each bought one.The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.” “Why not?
” “I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, “What about the powerful interest that controls you?
“And the other guy screamed back, “You leave my wife out of this!”
Two postmen are on break having a cigarette. While on this break one postman says “Hey look at that snail”. The other postman looks down and says “FUCK” and step steps on the snail. Postman 1 looks at him and says “Why’d you do that”. Postman2 replys “Because that fucker has been following me all day.”
Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of theweekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priestexplained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a fewpaces back and pitched the money towards the circle. Whatlanded in the circle he kept and what landed outside thecircle god kept.The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same,except that what landed outside the circle went to the priestand the money that landed inside the circle god kept.The rabbi said, “I’ve got you both beat. I throw the moneyinto the air and what god wants, god takes.”
Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall.One turned to the other and said, “Hello.”The other one thought, “I wonder what he meant by that.”
Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college reunion. One of them looks like he just graduated, while the other psychologist looks old, worried and withered.The older looking one asks the other, “What’s your secret?
Listening to other people’s problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me.”The younger looking one replies, “Who listens?
“
Two Rabbits are running from a group of foxes. They hide in a pile of hay, one rabbit says to the other one “ok we can run for it or we can stay here and out number them. And the other rabbit says, “were going to run for it you idiot I’m your brother.
Two Rangers stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they were writing up the ticket, one Ranger turned to the other and said, “How do you spell Waxahachie?
“The other one replied, “I don’t know.”So the first one said, “Well what are we gong to do?
If we spell it wrong it will get dismissed.”The second Ranger said, “Why don’t we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?
“
Two rednecks from Arkansas were out hunting. They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something.The first redneck says to the other, “If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you.”After about three hours, the second redneck finds he is really lost. He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him. He then waits an hour and does it again. He repeats this until he is out of ammo.The next morning, the first redneck finds the second with the help of forest rangers. He asks the second redneck man if he did what he told him to do.The redneck answers, “Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows.”
Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, “My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?
“.The second guy says, “Sure! I see fine. Go ahead and hit.”So the first old man steps up to the tee and really hits it. He turns to his buddy and says, “Did you see it?
“.”Sure!”, says his buddy.”Where did it go?
“, the first guy asks. The second old man thinks for a minute and says, “I can’t remember.”