Waiter: Why are you taking so long to order?
Diner: I can’t decide whether I want heartburn or nausea.
Waiter: Why are you taking so long to order?
Diner: I can’t decide whether I want heartburn or nausea.
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.” “Hans Olaffsen?
“, he muses. “How in hell does that fit in here?
” So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, “How did this place get a name like ‘Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?
‘” The old man answers, “Is name of owner.” The tourist asks, “Well, who and where is the owner?
” “Me…is right here,” replies the old man. “You?
How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?
” “Is simple,” says the old man. “Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, ‘What your name?
‘ He say,’Hans Olaffsen.’ Then she look at me and go, ‘Wh at your name?
‘” “I say Sem Ting.”
Waiter: Why didn’t you make all the food on that long order?
Cook: Because I’m a short order cook.
Want to buy a pocket computer?
No, thanks, I already know how many pockets I’ve got.
Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method. The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds.
Want to know how to amuse a blonde for hours?
Write please turn over on both sides of the paper!
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of pregnancy in the world. Proceed with caution.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can’t remember).