Author Archives: lennart

Flight fifty has a pretty rough …

Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water”.”Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?

” asks a little old lady, terrified.”Yes, I’m afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs”.”And if I do this, the sharks won’t eat me any more?

” asks the little lady.”Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won’t enjoy it so much”.

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quatt…

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.The Italian customer agent stops them and tells them: “Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro.””What do you mean it’s illegal?

” asked the Englishmen.”Quattro means four,” replies the Italian official.”Quattro is just the name of the automobile,” the Englishmen says disbelievingly. “Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons.””You can’ta pulla thata one ona me,” replies the Italian customs agent.”Quattro means four. You hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin’a the law”.The Englishmen reply angrily, “You idiot! Call your supervisor over We want to speak to someone with more intelligence!””Sorry,” responds the Italian official, “he can’ta come”.”He’s a busy with two guys in a Uno”.

Five cannibals get appointed as …

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: “You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don’t trouble the other employees.”The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.Four weeks later the boss returns and says: “You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?

“The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: “Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?

“A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: “You fool! For four weeks we’ve been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!”

Fishing season hasn’t opened and…

Fishing season hasn’t opened and a fisherman who doesn’t have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks: “Any luck?

“”Any luck?

This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday,” he boasts.”Is that so?

By the way, do you know who I am?

” asks the stranger.”Nope.””Well, meet the new game warden.””Oh,” gulped the fisherman. “Well, do you know who I am?

“”Nope.””Meet the biggest liar in the state!”