When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to see!
When a teacher closes his eyes, …
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Author Archives: lennart
When a small Montana village dec…
When a small Montana village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide what to do with the old one. Randall, an old rancher, stood up. “Ah think we should keep the old truck,” he said.”We can use it for all them false alarms!”
When a plane caught fire over th…
When a plane caught fire over the jungle the pilot ejected and landed in a cannibal’s pot. The cannibal turned to his friend and said, ‘What’s this flier doing in my soup?
‘
When a man steals your wife, the…
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
When an ape visits his tailor, w…
When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit does he order?
A zoo-t suit!
When Abraham Liebowitz gets to s…
When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers that he is the only Jewish kid in the class. But it’s a decent town and nobody really bothers him. One day the teacher asks the class “Who was the greatest person who ever lived?
and why?
” And to make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill in the air and said “whoever gives the best answer will get this twenty dollars”. All of the kids called out their guesses. One said “George Washington – because he was the father of our country.” “That’s excellent” said the teacher. Another said “Abraham Lincoln – because he freed the slaves.” “That’s also good” said the teacher, reluctant to bestow an excellent, but still being polite. One little girl said “Joan of Arc – because she saved France.” Another excellent choice said the teacher. Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand. nSo the teacher called on him. “Abraham, who do you think was the greatest person who ever lived, and why?
” And Abraham said “Jesus Christ.” The teacher was shocked. “Abraham,” she said “I’m very surprised. Class, I think we can all agree that Abraham should get the twenty dollars.” And she handed Abraham Liebowitz the money. At recess, the teacher was still very impressed. So she asked Abraham why he said Jesus. Abraham said “Look, personally I think Moses was the greatest person who ever lived, but… business is business!”
When a young hotshot conductor w…
When a young hotshot conductor was making his debut at the Met, he showed the jaded and skeptical orchestra how well he knew the music by singing all parts of the Lucia sextet during rehearsal.Afterwards, one musician was overheard whispering to the other, impressed, “Well, this kid really knows his stuff!”The other replied, “I don’t think he is so hot. Did you notice how flat his high E was at the end?
“
When a visitor to a small town i…
When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands.A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, “Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal.”The hero told the journalist that he wasn’t from that town.”Well, then,” the reporter said, “the headline will probably say, ‘Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog’.””Actually,” the man said, “I’m from Connecticut.””In that case,” the reporter said in a huff, “the headline should read, ‘Yankee Kills Family Pet’.”
When Ben hit his thumb with a ha…
When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer he let out a few choice words. Shocked by her son’s outburst, his mother said, “Don’t you dare use that kind of language in here.” “William Shakespeare did,” replied Ben. “Well, you’d better stop going around with him,” said Mom.
When asked for her occupation, a…
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation saidshe was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I havewaited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court,” he smiledwith delight. “Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not pass througha red light’ five hundred times.”