Woman in bed: Aaagh! Aaagh! A ghost just floated into my room!Ghost: Don’t worry, ma’am, I’m just passing through.
Woman in bed: Aaagh! Aaagh! A gh…
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Woman: Officer you must help. I’…
Woman: Officer you must help. I’ve just lost my wig. Police officer: Certainly, ma’am, we’ll comb the area.
Woman: Why are you begging for a…
Woman: Why are you begging for a quarter?
Beggar: I didn’t think someone like you would give me a dollar.
Women are like computers — even…
Women are like computers — even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
Women are like guns, keep one ar…
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you’re going to want to shoot it.
Women dream of world peace, a sa…
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.What do men dream of?
Being stuck in a lift with the Spice girls.
Women need a reason to have sex….
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Worried because they hadn’t hear…
Worried because they hadn’t heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, “Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?
“A few minutes later, Timmy returned.”Well,” asked Mrs. Silver, “is she all right?
“”She’s fine, except that she’s angry at you.””At me?
” the woman exclaimed. “Whatever for?
“”She said ‘It’s none of your business how old she is,'” snickered Timmy.
Worried because they hadn’t hear…
Worried because they hadn’t heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, “Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?
“A few minutes later, Timmy returned.”Well,” asked Mrs. Silver, “is she all right?
“”She’s fine, except that she’s angrywith you.””With me?
” the woman exclaimed. “Whatever for?
“”She said ‘It’s none of your business how old she is,'” snickered Timmy.
Would you like a duck egg for su…
Would you like a duck egg for supper?
Only if you quack it for me.