What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday?

Saturday Night Fever.

What is a double-blind study?

Two orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram.

What kind of physician works on a cruise liner?

A dry doc.

What’s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?

One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

What’s the difference between a nurse and a nun?

A nun only serves one God.

What’s the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?

If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour, it’ll probably stop whining.

When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her back. “Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in first aid.” The woman watched him for a few minutes, then tapped his shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said. “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”

Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?

Because nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her patient’s best side.