Q: Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work?

A: In case they have to draw blood.

The Doctor was puzzled “I’m very sorry but I can’t diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. “”Don’t worry about it Dr. Kelley, I’ll come back when you’re sober.”

The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.

The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about to marry an eighteen year old girl. “Now, Mr. Jenkins,” the nurse practitioner warned, “you should know that when a man your age marries an eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt.” The old man shrugged, “If she dies, she dies.”

The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.””That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added, “May I see that prescription I just gave you?

I’d like to make a little change…”

The patient: Tell me, is it true that alcohol decreases blood pressure?

Doctor: Yes, that is true.P: And, is it true that coffee increases blood pressure?

D: Yes, that is also true.P: So, in average, I live normally.

The seven-year old girl told her mom, “A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.””Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “What happened, honey?

“”Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: “I’m afraid we’re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.””Well, if it’s just because of them, I’d rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.”

There were ten zebras in the zoo. All but nine escaped. How many were left?

Nine!

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.The first nurse said, “I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven.” St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.The second nurse says, “I worked in an operating room. It’s a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard.” St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.The third nurse says, “I was a case manager for an HMO.”St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse’s file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, “Congratulations! You’ve been admi tted to heaven … for five days!”Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. From time to time the young nurse came in and said in a patronising tone, “And how are we doing this morning?

“Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went.The nurse came in, picked up the urine bottle and said, “It seems we are a little cloudy today…” At this, Harry snatched the bottle out of her hand, drinked its contents, saying, “Well, I’ll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time.”