Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said the first, “but I could never do anything with it.””Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?
” asked the second.”You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way – ‘Take a clean dish and….'”
Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method. The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds.
What a woman says: “This place is a mess C’mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor, and you’ll have no clothes to wear, if we don’t do laundry right now!”What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah, C’mon blah, blah, blah, blah, you and I blah, blah, blah, blah, on the floor blah, blah, blah, blah, no clothes blah, blah, blah, blah, right now !
What did God say after she made Eve?
“Practice makes perfect.”
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower.
What do you call a man who opens the car door for you?
A chauffeur.
What do you do if your bank account stops working?
Throw the guy out of the house.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
Close the door.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he’s God’s gift?
Exchange him.
What does a man consider to be a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.