Doctor, doctor, I keep trying to get into fights.And how long have you had this complaint?

Who wants to know?

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a spoon.Sit there and don’t stir.

Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.Don’t answer!

Doctor, doctor, people tell me I’m a wheelbarrow.Don’t let people push you around.

Doctor, doctor, people keep telling me I’m ugly!Lay on the couch, face down.

Fred: “Why are you so upset?

” Harry: “My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning.” Fred: “So what?

” Harry: “So she said to him, ‘Doctor, this is my husband. You know, one of the men I’ve been telling you about’.”

How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The patients get better and leave.Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God.The staff have the keys!

How many Dependent P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?

None, he’s still clinging to the old lightbulb.

How many Borderline P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. To threaten suicide if you don’t change it for him/her.

How many Histrionic P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?

“You want me to change the lightbulb?

I could burn my hand! I could be electrocuted! I could fall off the ladder and be paralyzed for life! You don’t love me anymore!”