When doesn’t a telephone work underwater?

When it’s wringing wet!

Who invented the telephone?

The Phoenicians (phone-itions).

Who was that on the phone, Fred?

Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia, so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down !

Why are there so many Johnson in he phone book?

They all have phones.

Why did Dr Frankenstein have his telephone cut off?

Because he wanted to win the Nobel prize!

Why did the alien phone home on his mobile?

Because it was so ET !

Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire?

She wanted to lay it on the line!

Why did the girl who worked for the telephone company sing all the time?

Because she was an operetta (operator).

Why is an engaged girl like a telephone?

Because they both have rings.