It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may being plowing.” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”
It only rains twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through July.
It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn’t coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers.”Are you Mr. Johnson?
” the asked?
He admitted that he was.”Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?
” Again, the man admitted that was he.”And what did you do then,” the troopers asked.” The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed.”Where is your car now?
” the t roopers enquired. The man answered that it was in the garage.”May we see the car?
” asked the troopers. The man answered, “Sure,” and opened the garage.Inside the garage was the state troopers car.
It seems that there was a little old church out in the countryside: painted white and with a high steeple.One Sunday, the pastor noticed that his church needed painting. He checked out the Sunday ads and found a paint sale. The next day, he went into town and bought a gallon of white paint. He went back out to the church and began the job.He got done with the first side. It was looking great. But he noticed he had already used a half gallon. He didn’t want to run back in town and being the creative person that he was, he found a gallon of thinner in the shed out back, and began to thin his paint.It worked out great. He finished the remaining three sides with that last half gallon of paint.That night, it rained: it rained hard. The next morning when he stepped outside of the parsonage to admire his work, he saw that the first side was looking great, but that the paint on the oth er three sides had washed away.The pastor looked up in sky in anguish and cried out, “What shall I do?
“A voice came back from the heavens saying, “Repaint, and thin no more!”
It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married,but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got toheaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them toget married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life,and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it andagreed, but said they would have to wait.It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent forthem. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things wenton, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time,that eternity was best not spent together. They went back toSt. Peter, and said: “We thought we would be happy forever, butnow we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is thereany way we can get divorced?
” “Are you kidding?
” said St. Peter.”It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marryyou. I will never get a lawyer!”
Is your food spicy Sir ?
No, smoke always comes out of my ears !
It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: “Lads, I’m here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, don’t step on any of the ducks or you’ll be punished for eternity. Sean went in first and was amazed to see that the entire ladscape was encompassed by ducks, and try as he might, sure enough he stepped on one. He was immediately joined by one of the homliest colleens he’s ever laid eyes on, and she said,”Well love, you stepped on a duck and now we’re together for all time.”And of course the exact same thing happened to Michael only his companion was even the worse for wear. By this time Tim was absolutely terrified. And he gingerly managed to make it most of the way across the cou rt without stepping on a single duck. Suddenly, his arm was taken by a young lass. Tim looked over and beheld the most beautiful, graceful, blue-eyed woman he’s ever seen in all his life. He gasped, “I don’t understand it!” The young beauty answered, “Well I’m sure I don’t either, I was walking along minding my own business, when all of a sudden I stepped on a duck.”
It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, “Boy, are you in trouble. I’m a lawyer!”The driver looked out his window and said, “No, you’re in trouble. I’m a judge.”
Is this Love?
by Midas Wellbee
Is there big money in the cattle business?
So I’ve herd!