Jack and Jill were riding a tandem up a hill, but making heavy weather of it. At the top, Jack said: ‘I didn’t think we’d make it!’ Jill replied, ‘Nor did I – what a good thing I kept the brakes on, or we’d have slid all the way back down!’
Jack went to see the camp nurse. ‘I fell last night,’ he said. ‘And I was unconscious for eight hours.’The nurse was shocked. ‘How awful. What happened?
”I fell asleep!’
Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.”It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?
“”Probably that I married you for your money.”
Jewish telegram: “Begin worrying. Details to follow.”
Jill tells her husband, “Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.Now, why can’t you do that?
“”Gosh,” Jack says, “why I hardly know the girl.”
Jesus and Satan got into an argument over which of them was the better computer programmer. Finally God got tired of the bickering and told them that he would judge a contest between them. They each had four hours to write the best program they could, and then God would decide the winner.Well, they both got right down to business, and wrote lines and lines and lines of code. But just before the four hours were up there was a flash of lightning and a tremendous clap of thunder. The lights flickered, the power faltered, and both computer screens went dead.When power was restored, God declared that time was up and asked to see the results of their work. Jesus flipped on his computer and displayed the most elegant program you could imagine, with beautiful architecture and wonderful syllogisms, triumphs of multimedia sound and pictures — all kinds of bells and whistles.God asked Satan wha t he had created, but Satan said, “I’ve got nothing, absolutely nothing. My program was twice as good as that, but I lost it all when the power went out. Jesus must have cheated. How could he still have such a great program?
“God replied, “Everybody knows — Jesus Saves.”
Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses “I want to do a miracle so we can feel like the good old days.” and Moses says “Yeah sure.” So Jesus gets up and says “I think I’ll walk on the water, that was always a good one.” So Jesus walks over to the edge of the boat, steps into the water, and sinks like a stone. Moses drags Jesus back into the boat and revives him. Moses then says “What’s the problem?
” and Jesus says, “I think its the holes in my feet!”
Jennifer: Are you coming to my party ?
Sandra: No, I ain’t.Jennifer: Now, you know what Miss told us. Not ain’t. It’s I am not coming, he is not coming, she is not coming, they are not coming. Sandra: Blimey, ain’t nobody coming ?
Jeb and Eudell, University of Michigan athletes, were driving from Ann Arbor to Cleveland. Just outside the city limits they saw a sign: “CLEAN REST ROOMS.” By the time they got to Cleveland, they’d cleaned 147 Johns.
Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can’t get toheaven?
Ted: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you’ll get there.