Author Archives: lennart

It was a particularly tough foot…

It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors’ favor, the home quarterback blew his top.How many times can you do this to us in a single game?

” he screamed. “You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter.” The official just stared. The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. “What it comes down to,” he bellowed, “is that you STINK!” The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback. The official finally replied, “And how do I smell from here?

“

It was Grandpa Jones’ 100th birt…

It was Grandpa Jones’ 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit.He explained “I put my long life down to spending so much time out of doors. I’ve been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for the last 75th years.””How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?

” we asked.”It’s simple” he said. “When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both made solemn pledge on our wedding night. We agreed that whenever we ever had a fight, whoever was proved wrong would go outside and take long walk.”

It was Rocky’s first night in th…

It was Rocky’s first night in the penitentiary. All of the inmates were intheir cells and he was trying to become a bit more comfortable with hismeager surroundings. As he leaned against the bars at the front of hiscell, Rocky heard a voice call out “44” and the whole cell block eruptedinto laughter! Another voice called “16” and again there was laughter. Athird voice called “62” which was followed by laughter throughout the block.Rocky didn’t know what was going on so he rapped on his cell wall.”Yeah, whaddaya want?

” came the gruff reply from next door.”What’s going on, here?

” asked Rocky.”Well,” said the other inmate, “down in the prison library there’s only onejoke book. We’ve all read the book so many times that we don’t waste timetelling the joke, we just call out it’s number.”So the next day Rocky went down to the library and, sure enough, found rtheyellowed, dog-eared joke book and read it from cover to cover. That night,wanting to be part of the group, Rocky confidently called out “44” andeveryone laughed! He tried calling “16” and “62” and again there were pealsof laughter. Then he called 57, and the halls rang with laughter.After several minutes, one prisoner was still rolling on the floor laughing.More minutes – still laughing. Rocky rapped on the cell wall. “Yeah,waddaya want?

” asked the other inmate.”I don’t understand it,” asked Rocky, “Why is Bill still laughing?

“”Well,” said the gruff inmate, “He never heard that one before!”

It was about a month ago when a …

It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest:”Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.””Well,” answered the priest, “that’s not a sin.””But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed.” “I admit that wasn’t good, but you did it for a good cause.” “Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question…” “What is that, my son?

” “Do I have to tell him the war is over?

“

Jack: “My brother was sick and w…

Jack: “My brother was sick and went to the doctor.”John: “Is he feeling better now?

“Jack: “No, he has a broken arm.”John: “How did he break it?

“Jack: “Well, the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter what happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew out of the window.”John: “How did he break his arm?

“Jack: “He fell out of the window trying to follow the prescription.”

Jacques Thibault, the violinist,…

Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert.”There’s not much room on this page,” he said. “What shall I write?

“Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint, “Write your repertoire.”

Jack was living in Arizona durin…

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.”It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?

“”Probably that I married you for your money.”