McPherson walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. “S’cuse me,” said another bar patron, who was puzzled over what McPherson had done. “What was that all about?
” “Nothing,” said the Irishman, “my wife sent me out for a jar of olives.”
Me: “What is that noise?
” Customer: “Hey Martinez!! I’m on the phone! Cut it out!” Me: “What was that?
” Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Customer: “It’s from a device.” Me: “What kind of device?
” Customer: “I don’t know.” Me: “Like a fax machine or something?
” Customer: “I don’t know. Someone is under house arrest or something.”
Mega Bitesby Amos Quito
McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. “It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes,” she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. “Miss,” he said, “I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?
“
May: What position does your brother play in the school football team ?
Jay: I think he’s one of the drawbacks !
Mayne and Willard, two idiots, were in a rowboat on a lake fishing. Suddenly the spray from a motorboat racing by flooded their boat. “How we gonna get the water out?
” asked Mayne. “Easy,” said Willard. “We just bore a hole in the bottom of the boat and let the water drain out.” The men drilled a hole in the bottom, and more water started rushing in. “Wait a minute!” exclaimed Mayne. “We need another hole so’s the water comin’ in through the first one has a place to go back into the lake!”
McAfee and Bracket were driving home after a big party. “Hey,” said McAfee, “be sure to watch out for that bridge that’s coming down the road toward us.” “What are you telling me to ‘watch out’ for?
” asked Brackett. “You’re the one who’s driving!”
Meg’s mother was visiting her daughter at camp. ‘How did you find the steak dinner?
‘ she asked.’With a magnifying glass!’
Melburn was strolling along downtown Natchez with a framed picture under his arm. “Hey, what yew got there?
” asked a neighbor. “I dunno much ’bout art,” replied Melburn, “but Ah just bought me an original Michelangelo for two hundred dollars! It’s one of the few he ever did in ballpoint!”
May I buy half a rabbit?
No, we don’t split hares!