Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.She moaned to her mom and brother, “Nobody loves me … the whole world hates me!”Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: “That’s not true, Mary. Some people don’t even know you.”
Mary arrived home from school covered in spots. ‘Whatever’s the matter ?
‘ asked her mother.’I don’t know,’ replied Mary, ‘but the teacher thinks I may have caught decimals.’
Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.Doctor: Oh, really?
Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!
Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. “I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” says the beaming boy to his father. “Nope,” comes dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me all these years.”
Mary: Do you think my sister’s pretty ?
Gary: Well, let’s just say if you pulled her pigtail she’d probably say ‘oink, oink ‘!
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Martin asked David, “In which state does the Ohio River run?
” David answered with cool, “In the liquid state.”
Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question, ‘Is Washington’s picture still on the dollar bill?
‘His Father wrote back, ‘Of course it is. Why do you ask?
‘Martin answered, ‘Because it’s been so long since I’ve seen one!’
Mega Bitesby Amos Quito
Melburn was strolling along downtown Natchez with a framed picture under his arm. “Hey, what yew got there?
” asked a neighbor. “I dunno much ’bout art,” replied Melburn, “but Ah just bought me an original Michelangelo for two hundred dollars! It’s one of the few he ever did in ballpoint!”