Nigel: You said the school dentist would be painless, but he wasn’t. Teacher: Did he hurt you?
Nigel: No, but he screamed when I bit his finger.
Nigel: You said the school denti…
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Author Archives: lennart
Old English Churches by Beverley…
Old English Churches by Beverley Minster
Old aunts used to come up to me …
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Officer: Soldier, do you have ch…
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again. Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!
O’Toole worked in the lumber yar…
O’Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he’d been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent. “Father, it’s 15 years since my last confession, and I’ve been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years,” he told the priest. “I understand my son,” says the priest. “Can you make a Novena?
” O’Toole said, “Father, if you have the plans, I’ve got the lumber.”
O’Connell was staggering home wi…
O’Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. “Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood!”
Nurse: Would you like an appoint…
Nurse: Would you like an appointment for next week?
Patient: No, I’m sick now.
Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in…
Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.Doctor: What does he call his other eye?
Now do you save a man from drown…
Now do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
NOVICE: Do clever men make good …
NOVICE: Do clever men make good husbands?
SAGE: Clever men don’t BECOME husbands!