One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books — the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, “Why are you reading both those books”?
“Well,” said the orang-utang, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”
One day the counsellor got a phone call. It was from a camper who had been at camp the summer before. The old camper said, ‘I thought of camp yesterday.”Why?
‘ the counsellor asked. ‘Where were you?
”At the garbage dump!’ the old camper answered.
One day the bass player hid one of the drummer’s sticks.The drummer said, “finally! After being a drummer for so long, now I am a conductor!”
One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names.”Shut Up”, replied Shut Up.”Stupid”, replied Stupid.The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. “Excuse Me!” shouted the chief.Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names.”Shut Up!””Stupid!”The police chief was very riled. He then asked” Are you looking for trouble?
“!!!Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,”Why yes, how did you know?
“
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, “Why do we have to learn this pointless information””To save lives.” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?
” he persisted.”It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school,” replied the professor.
One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place. A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal. Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?
One day Mikey was sitting in his apartment when his doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a salesman standing on his porch with a strange object.”What is that?
” Mikey asked. “It’s a thermos,” the salesman replied. “What does it do?
” asked Mikey. “This baby,” the salesman said, “keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”After some deliberation Mikey bought one, deciding it would really help his lunch situation. The next day he arrived at the plant where he works. Sure enough, all the other employees were curious about his new object. “What is it?
” they asked.”It’s a thermos,” Mikey replied.”What does it do?
” they asked.”Well,” Mikey says in a bragging manner, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.””What do ya got in it?
“To which Mikey says, “Three cups of coffee and a popsicle.”
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!” “What’s the problem, Eve?
” “Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I’m just not happy.” “Why is that, Eve?
” came the reply from above. “Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.” “Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.” “What’s a ‘man’, Lord?
” “This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He’ll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack.” “Sounds g reat,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. “Yeah, well. He’s better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition.” “What’s that, Lord?
” “You’ll have to let him believe that I made him first.”
One day God called the Pope, and he said “John Paul I have good news and bad news. First the good news. I am tired of all the squabbling between the religions. I have decided there will be only the one true religion”. The Pope was overjoyed and told God how wise his decision was, then asked “What’s the bad news?
“. God said the bad news is that I am calling from Salt Lake City.
One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang.walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said, “God,there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?
“.God replied, “Just do what you normally do with that type. Re-direct them down to hell.”St. Peter went back to carry out the order and all of a sudden he comes running back yelling “God, God, they’re gone, they’re gone!””Who, the New Yorkers?
“.”No, the Pearly Gates.”