Dad: Why is your January report card so bad ?
Son: Well, you know how it is. Things are always marked down after Christmas !
Dad: Why is your January report card so bad ?
Son: Well, you know how it is. Things are always marked down after Christmas !
Dad: Don’t be selfish. Let your brother use the sled half the time.Son: I do, Dad. I use it going down the hill and he gets to use it coming up!
Dad, would you like to save some money?
I certainly would, son. Any suggestions?
Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won’t wear my shoes out so fast.
Dad, I spotted a Dalmatian! No need to, it already has its own spots!
Dad, do you like baked apples?
Yes son, why?
The orchard’s on fire.
Dad, did you manage to fix my toy?
No, it’s not broken, the battery’s flat. Well, what shape should it be?
Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please?
Don’t tell me that they haven’t found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy!
David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren’t expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, he did anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David’s extended arm and said: “I’m sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiven ess. I will try to correct my behavior.” David was astounded at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had changed him when the parrot continued: “May I ask what the chicken did?
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Daughter: I will never learn to spell.Mother: Why?
Daughter: The teacher keeps changing the words.
Dancing at the Party by Hans Neesanboompsadaisy