Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending 50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.
Republicans help the poor during…
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Author Archives: lennart
Robot: I have to dry my feet car…
Robot: I have to dry my feet carefully after a bath. Monster: Why?
Robot: Otherwise I get rusty nails.
Rigby drove into the city with h…
Rigby drove into the city with his girl to catch their first play at a theater. Rigby rushed up to the box office and said, “Gimme two tickets for tonight’s show.” “Sorry,” said the box office attendant. “There are no seats left. We have only two standing rooms left.” “Well, I’ll be hog tied! Only two left in standing room!” said the farm boy. “Are they together?
“
Ridge Hall computer assistant; m…
Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?
“”Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.””What sort of trouble?
“”Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.””Went away?
“”They disappeared.””Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
“”Nothing.””Nothing?
“”It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.””Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
“”How do I tell?
“”Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?
“”What’s a sea-prompt?
“”Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
“”There isn’t any cursor, I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.””Does your monitor have a power indicator?
“”What’s a monitor?
“”It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?
“”I don’t know.””Well then, look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
“”Yes, I think so.””Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.””… …Yes, it is.””When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
“”No.””Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.””… …Okay, here it is.””Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.””I can’t reach.””Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?
“”No.””Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
“”Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.””Dark?
“”Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming i n from the window.””Well, turn on the office light then.””I can’t.””No?
Why not?
“”Because there’s a power outage.””A power… A power outage?
Ah, Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?
“”Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.””Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.””Really?
Is it that bad?
“”Yes, I’m afraid it is.””Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
“”Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer.”
Returning home from work, a blon…
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.Putting her face in her hands, she moaned: “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman!”
Returning from her vacation, the…
Returning from her vacation, the young secretary was telling anyonewho would listen about what a fun time she had. She then asked for twoweeks leave in which to get married.”But you just had two weeks off,” said the boss. “Why didn’t you getmarried then ?
“”What and ruin my vacation ?
” she whined.
Retired gentlemen went to apply …
Retired gentlemen went to apply for social security. After waiting in line for quite a long time, he arrives at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he has left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he seemed to have left his wallet at home, “will I have to go home and come back now?
” he ask.The woman says, “unbutton your shirt.” he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, “that silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me” as she processes his social security application.When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about this experience at social security office. She says, “you should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.”
Salesman: This jug is genuine In…
Salesman: This jug is genuine Indian pottery.Customer: But it says “Made in Cleveland.”Salesman: Haven’t you ever heard of the Cleveland Indians?
Salesman: That suit looks nice. …
Salesman: That suit looks nice. It fits like a bandage.Customer: Thanks. I bought it by accident.
Salesman: Roll up, roll up! Come…
Salesman: Roll up, roll up! Come to our mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale. Customer: Forget it! No one round here’s got room in their houses for a mammoth.