Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where aguy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.” “Hmmm,” her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said, “Would you swap me for a season ticket?
” “Absolutely not,” he said. “How sweet,” Sarah said. “Tell me why not.” “Season’s more than half over,” he said.
Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, “Would you like me to be your friend?
” The girl hesitated, then said, “Okay,” looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, “Why are you standing here all alone?
” “Because,” the little girl said with great exasperation, “I’m the goalie!”
Sammy: My parents are sending me to camp.Tammy: Why?
Do you need a vacation?
Sammy: No. They do!
Sam’s girlfriend’s birthday was the same day as his father’s. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume and his father a pistol. He wrapped the perfume and wrote a note to his girlfriend, saying, ‘Use this all over yourself and think of me.’ Unfortunately he put the note on his father’s present.
Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gatheredaround him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room.Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, “That’s it, one last timebefore I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver.”Sam’s wife looked at him sadly and said, “Sorry Sam, it’s for after.”
Sam left work after a tiring day. ‘Take the bus home,’ suggested a friend. ‘My mother would only make me take it back,’ Sam said.
Salesman: Would you like to buy a pocket calculator?
Customer: No, thanks. I know how many pockets I have.
Scott finally got his girlfriend into bed, and things were going hot and heavy.”Slow down, baby,” she said. “Foreplay is an art.””You better get your canvas ready soon,” he panted, “because I’m about to spillmy paint!”
Scorcher Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent’s hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, “Have I got all ye say there?
” The agent said, “Certainly ye have…Why d’ye ask?
” Replied Murphy, “Cancel the sale…’tis too good to part with.”
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by up to 90%. – It’s called wedding cake.